


Try

by spacegayofficial



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Angst, Miscommunication, Other, Relationship Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24133489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegayofficial/pseuds/spacegayofficial
Summary: Months after your break up, Javier shows back up at your door in Texas.
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Try

“I came down here to support you, but you’re not around for me to do that!”

“Do you have any fucking idea how much I’d rather spend time with you than this fucked up shit I have to deal with on a daily basis?”

“Clearly not enough, or you’d make time,” you finally said, your voice getting eerily quiet. “Get out. Just… leave me alone right now, you probably have an informant to fuck, anyway.”

Javier looked at you in shock and confusion for several long seconds.

“Just go, Javier.” You sounded defeated if anything, which wasn’t the tone you wanted to convey. You turned around and went back to your bedroom, and finally let out a sob when you heard the front door close and lock.

You went three whole days without seeing him. That wasn’t normal for him, and you didn’t appreciate the fact that he didn’t even call. For all you knew, he could be dead, and the embassy wasn’t being particularly helpful. Steve and Connie didn’t know where he’d gone, and while Steve was nearly as concerned as you were, got about as far as you did. Then Javi had the audacity to just show up at home afterwards, acting like nothing had happened, spewing “I missed you so much” at you. Not so much as a call? What was so important you couldn’t know about it? Steve couldn’t know about it? That really was the icing on the cake, you’d been seeing him less and less lately with late night raids and later nights at the office trying to piece together the mess that was the cartels here. You’d expressed that you missed him, and he promised a million times that he’d try to get home earlier, try to spend more time with you. But he never delivered. And with that three day disappearance without so much as a word, it really proved to you the fact you were dreading to come to terms with: Javi just didn’t care about you anymore.

You got it. Sometimes the job’s just too important. You knew better than to come down here, anyway. You debated it for days coming up to when he needed an answer from you, whether or not you should. You’d be in some danger all the time, he’d be in even more danger all the time, and frankly you were only going steady, you weren’t even engaged; there was little incentive to go with him. But the minute he looked at you with those beautiful brown eyes and pleaded with you to go with him the day he needed your decision, you agreed without a second thought. Puppy love all over again. You sort of regret that now.

Once your breathing was under control again, and you were sure Javier wasn’t going to come back in, you pulled your luggage down from its place in your closet and started packing. He didn’t care anymore. You were so sure of it you almost didn’t leave a note. You could probably do this right in front of his face and he wouldn’t stop you. You quickly packed everything that would fit in your luggage, mainly what you had come here with, and figured if you ended up missing any of the other things he could just ship them back to you. But the things you’d collected while you were here had too much tied to this place, and to your relationship with Javi. Best if they stayed here. You hastily wrote a note, leaving it on the counter. Simple, and to the point: “Went home. Clearly you don’t have time for me, and I’m tired of having mine wasted here.”

You got dressed in some clothes you’d be comfortable travelling in, gathered your passport and all of the other papers you’d brought with you, and headed to the airport.

Once you arrived, you headed to the desk to get the closest flight to San Antonio you could get. After asking about a few different options and price points, you settled on a flight that wouldn’t take off for about five hours. You were glad you brought a couple of books with you. So, you bought your ticket, checked your bags, and headed to the gate to kill some time. With that, you took off, headed home. Part of you wished he would show up and sweep you off your feet and stop you from going. You felt a little guilty doing it as spur of the moment as you did, but, ultimately, you knew it was for the best. It’d be good to be home again.

Little did you know, Javier drove like a madman to the airport to try to stop you when he came back into the apartment to the note. He missed the gate closing by two minutes.

You landed back home safely, and took a bus back to Laredo. Your mother was surprised but excited to see you, and more than happy to let you stay in your childhood bedroom while you found a job and a place to stay. Months went by, uneventfully, no word from Javier. You expected that, honestly, partly because you’d convinced yourself he didn’t give a shit about you, and partly because you’d left and didn’t leave any way to contact you. It hurt a little bit that he didn’t even try, but you tried not to let it get to you. Sleeping was hard at first, only being able to think about him, but as you got back into the swing of things, started a new job, moved into your own apartment, things got a lot easier. You had days where you didn’t even think about him. But you also had days where something you encountered would remind you of him and you’d break down the second you got into your apartment alone.

Those reactions seemed silly the day you saw him back home.

Four months had passed since you got home. The news indicated there was still… quite the conflict in Columbia, so you didn’t expect him to be here. Why was he here anyway? You shook that question from your head, not giving yourself time to think about it before you bolted out of the grocery store you were in, leaving your cart in the middle of the produce section. You were fairly certain he saw you, you were sure you heard him shout your name, but you didn’t turn, didn’t stop, didn’t acknowledge him. You got in your car and drove back to your apartment, locking yourself inside, fighting back tears. He’s not supposed to be here! You came here to get away from him! In those four months you’d entirely convinced yourself he didn’t care. Letting yourself stew in your own thoughts will do that to you; overthink things, misremember things that were said, get even angrier. But now with him back, you were doubting yourself. You were fighting that self doubt tooth and nail, but it was still there.

Not three hours after you saw him at the grocery store, there was a knock on your door. You froze. No one else would show up here at 9 pm on a Saturday, not before calling. You looked out of the peephole, and saw the exact image you didn’t want to see. Javier Peña was at your door.

You opened the door a crack, peering out at him with daggers in your eyes. “How the hell did you know I lived here?”

“I went to your mom’s house first,” he said, quietly, the tone in his voice conveying so many emotions at once you couldn’t make heads or tails of it. “She told me your address.”

“Of course she did,” you sighed. “What do you want?”

He hung his head, chewing on his lip as he looked for the right words. “I… want to apologize.”

You huffed out a laugh. “You have a lot to fucking apologize for, Javier. But it’s about four months too late.”

He picked his head up and looked at you, and you were kind of surprised to see tears welling in his eyes. “I know. You didn’t really give me a fair shot four months ago, though, so I figure better late than never.” His voice cracked a little bit, and your heart shattered all over again. “Will you at least let me try?”

You swallowed, feeling tears well up in your own eyes. You rubbed the back of your neck and stepped back, opening the door for him and gesturing for him to come inside. He stepped in, you closed the door behind him, and you both stood there, awkwardly. You crossed your arms in front of you and looked at him.

“I’m all ears,” you finally said, after a long moment of silence.

“You were right,” he finally said. “I should’ve made more time for you. I could’ve. I was blinded… to a lot of things, then. It got to me. And I fucked myself over in a lot of ways because of it.” He paused, looking at you, then back down to the floor.

“Blinded by what, Javi?” you asked. “It was your own damn fault putting distance between us, you can’t blame that on some external force.”

“I know,” he said again. “I know. Just… I blinded myself. With work, and… yeah. Fuck, I drove to the airport the second I saw your note. I wanted to stop you. I just missed the gate closing. I really hoped I could stop you, I--” he cut himself off and looked to the side, rubbing a hand down his face.

You furrowed your brow at this admission. “You… did?”

He nodded, resuming looking down at the floor. “I know why you did what you did. I don’t hold it against you. But it broke my heart,” he said. “I missed you so fucking much. Every single fucking day.”

You couldn’t stop the tears from falling now. You shook your head. “I… I’m sorry I left like that,” you choked out. “I mean it. I was so pissed off at you, and I still am, honestly. But you didn’t deserve that.”

“No, I did,” he assures you. “I did, you deserved,  _ deserve _ to be happy, and I wasn’t giving that to you.”

Fuck, he did care. He cared a lot. And you were blinded to that. “I was so convinced you’d stopped caring about me,” you said. “With everything from… the informants, to just being gone all the time, to how quiet you were when you were home,” you said. “I know I agreed to the first one, I shouldn’t have used that to jab at you.”

He shook his head a little. “I had it coming,” he said. “I shouldn’t have even brought it up, I shouldn’t have done it in the first place. I knew it would cause problems eventually.”

You shrugged. “Maybe,” you said.

“I’m sorry I convinced you I didn’t care,” he finally said. “I cared too much about the wrong things, but I cared about keeping you safe, and… I acted on that wrong. Very wrong.”

You couldn’t help but smile weakly at that admission. “I… it’s not okay, Javi, but… I accept your apology,” you said. “I didn’t… if you’d gotten to the airport, you could’ve stopped me.”

“Yeah?” he asked, a smile, a small one, but one nonetheless, finally spreading across his face.

“Yeah,” you said. “I really, really loved you, Javi.”

You finally stepped forward and wrapped your arms around him, maybe against your better judgement, maybe not. He hugged you back, tighter than you’d ever felt him hug you. It felt right, somehow. You didn’t really realize until just that moment how much you missed him, how much you missed feeling him against you, his scent, how warm he was.

“I missed you,” he whispered into your hair.

“I missed you, too,” you responded, pulling away from his hug just a little bit to look up at him. His eyes were wet with tears, and you hated seeing that. You bit your lip and thought about what you were about to say. Whether or not it was a good idea. Whether or not it would be worth it in the end. But, then again, he was here right now, which wasn’t likely in its own right. So you threw caution into the wind. “If you promise me you’ll make time for me, and you keep that promise, I think… I think I’d be willing to give this another shot.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I don’t… I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

“You haven’t even asked me,” you responded. “This is my own thought. My own idea. You’re not pressuring me into anything.”

He searched your eyes for a moment, to see if he could spot anything that would tell him otherwise. He then nodded a little. “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

You leaned forward and kissed him. It was the best feeling in the world, like you were whole again. Every worry melted away, about him, about this, hell, about the bills you were getting in the mail on Monday. Nothing meant as much as this moment right now, his hand at the back of your neck, your hands on his shoulders, kissing like you were dying of thirst and the other person’s lips were water. Maybe you were right to leave in the moment, but it wasn’t fair that you didn’t give him a chance to fix things. You would give him that chance now, at least.

You pulled away again, just a little bit. “You were right.”

“About what?” he asked.

“Better late than never.” You kissed him again. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Come hang out and say hi over at spacegayofficial on tumblr!


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